Walking alone in his journey, Mus always wonders, where is the exact line dividing sanity and insanity. What makes a human crazy. Or is it just a word without true borders. People use it freely, when someone deviates from their normal cultural expectations. All these that he's wondering, some say he is thinking too much of unnecessary things. Asking too much of irrelevant questions, and wasting too much of times. But he just cant stop thinking and asking, just so that he can understand.

He still remembers this one brilliant classmate he had in secondary school. Played hockey so well that he was even selected at the state level. Even competing for the best grade among the classmates. Good brain. Above average if not among the tops. Nothing abnormal. He was just like the other friends Mus had. Sometimes lost his temper, well who doesn't? But all of these changed after that one event.

Suddenly, this Mus' friend behaved like nothing before. Is was very stressful and everyone was pretty much affected. Why? Because no one understood why it happened, What caused it, and how to deal with it. Was is temporary, or will it become permanent? But the main point is no one really understood. Students and teachers alike. At first, many thought that it was some kind of joke, to laugh and make fun of. But few, if not no one, really expected that it will become so serious.

After nearly 10 years, Mus can't really recall exactly what happened. But Mus is pretty sure that it happened so suddenly. Some said because his friend didn't get to play for the state that year. Among many more postulations that arisen back then. It was quite disturbing in the beginning when he started to use abusive words to everyone. That alone was a surprise as he never quite used them before. Talked very loudly, and became so irritable. He was like, scolded all the teachers, even the one whom everyone was so frightened of. In short, he was unstoppable.

During that period of time, he didn't sleep much. There was one day, when he started playing hockey after Isha' prayer, till dawn. He was so alert and active like he was possessed by something. He went shopping and spent all of his money, even used up some of his friends money. Dealing with him was so exhausting, so much so that they nearly gave up. Some just ignored him, leaving just a few who still took care of him.

After a week, the school decided to send him back home for treatment. And that was the last time of Mus seeing him until now. Mus heard that he was admitted in mental health ward for a few weeks. Quit schooling and stayed at home with his family. His condition improved, and he continued studying in university for 2 years, before his condition recurred. Since, no more news heard about him.

Having this old memory running in Mus' mind, brings a few emotions with it. Sad, sorry, pity, sympathy and many more. Now that after nearly 10 years, Mus begins to understand what really happened to his friend. Maybe not all, but at least he can start to draw the picture. Understand the nature of his friend's illness. How big the impact is to his personal and social life. His friend was not well and needed treatment. He was not a laughing stock, nor to be labeled 'crazy'. Maybe all he needed was for people to understand.

Thinking this story alone brings a lot more questions in Mus' mind. Why do people become insane? Is it only a game of mind? Or really genetically predetermined? Or does brain have special part that causing insanity while preserving another part for cognition (his friend attended university despite of his mental problem)? Is it really solely related to spiritual conscience? If yes, why does it also affect religious people? Or is it really just neuro-chemical instability in the brain, and the questions are just endless.

But one thing that Mus really knows, that he needs to thank Allah for the sane and beautiful mind that he has.

Oct 28, 2011 11:11pm


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